Dear Enrique Tomas,
Or is it just Tomas, or just Enrique, or a cute little nickname like En-To-To or something?
So yesterday you came in fourth in the Men’s Vault, which means you didn’t win a medal, but really who cares, because you have a lot of other special things going on. Before talking about your special things though, I need to tell you that even though I think Yang, Denis, and Igor are all really cute and did really great and deserve their medals, you were not given enough credit for how much style and sweet smiley-ness you have in addition to having outrageous vault skills.
Now to your special things. You have a mustache, which is the first thing that made me notice you. And then I noticed that you also have an eyebrow piercing. This was a confusing moment because I went from being certain that we would have a life filled with fancy cocktails in candle-lit rooms to picturing a life filled with danger and Jncos. But what I decided is that the multi-facetedness of your personality will act as an undying flame to ignite our passion, and your big, beautiful muscles will act as a means of you being able to bench press me, which is just something I’ve always wanted to be able to do in a relationship.
At this point you are probably a little put off by how much I am fixating on your physique, so let me add that I think we would have a deep intellectual bond that is anchored in the very elaborate body language we would develop to circumvent our language barrier. Eventually I will learn Spanish and you will learn English, but let’s not rush things, first I have to find out if it is fun to kiss a mustache.
Enrique Tomas, I think there is a chance that love could be the right thing for us so let’s try! If it lasts, we would have an unbeatable “how did you meet” story, and if it doesn’t, we can at least say “hey, it was a crazy idea, but we tried.” All I ask is you think about it on your way back to Santiago, but also that you make up your mind before about 5 pm because there is someone else I am thinking about loving if you’re not that excited about what we might have. Anyway, no pressure, I want you to make sure you’re ready, and when you are, I’m here.